E3 - Vomit Of The Mind (DAY FIRST)

I chronicled my thoughts throughout the first day of E3 2013. These are my reactions to the press conferences, as they happened.

By Tony Walter | Jun 10, 2013

Hey folks. Going to be trying something a bit new this week with E3. I'll be posting live updates on my thoughts of what is happening at E3, as I see it. This is the best way I could come up with for one person to cover as much as possible without spending every night rewatching press conferences. Don't worry, I'll be keeping these blog posts around, in case you don't catch it live. If you are reading this as it's happening, just reload the page to catch any updates.

Microsoft Press Conference

11:20 - Dealing with some streaming issues, at the moment. Luckily these press conferences are coming from about one hundred different sources, so I'll make sure I find something.

11:25 - Looks like I've got the stream ironed out. Xbox conference starts momentarily. This is probably going to be one of the most important conferences they've ever had. Not sure about my feelings, but they have a lot of ground to cover with the core audience.

11:30 - I suppose I should mention that I'm streaming from the Xbox 360's live event player, for those curious. If that doesn't work for you, GameSpot generally does a great job with their streams. http://www.gamespot.com/e3/microsoft-press-conference?tag=Topslot;Slot1 Okay, it's starting now.

11:33 - Lots of green lights. Nothing is happening. If folks want to chat with me directly during this, find me on Twitter @Ambivalist. https://twitter.com/Ambivalist

11:40 - Metal Gear Solid V The Phantom Pain. Kiefer doing his best to sound exactly like Hayter. Make of that what you will. Also, hey guys, war is bad. And we need this entire series to make condescending metaphors at us for two decades for us to know why.

11:44 - Sweet. Another Xbox 360 remodel. But, something that actually matters, it sounds like Xbox Live Gold is working to be similar to PlayStation Plus. Assassin's Creed 2 and Halo 3 for free in July.

11:47 - World of Tanks coming to 360. I get excited for the dumbest shit.

11:50 - Max The Curse of Brotherhood. Getting a late nineties animated feature vibe from this. See: James and The Giant Peach. And I think I'm really digging it. And Dark Souls 2. I'm not insane, so I don't really care. Okay, it looks cool. But that was never the problem with those games.

11:55 - Ryse. Ancient roman take on Saving Private Ryan.

11:56 - Can we stop with the fucking button prompts being a key gameplay feature? It's lazy and trite. Maybe kind of interesting back when The Mark of Kri did it. And that was coupled with an interesting/unique combat system.

12:01 - Killer Instinct. Great. Seriously, not being sarcastic here. If you're going to make some senselessly violent games, might as well make me nostalgic too.

12:04 - Guys. The most exciting thing about Xbox One is that it's bringing back colors! (Sunset Overdrive)

12:06 - Forza 5 trailer followed up with car appearing on stage. Just then car shifts and transforms! Holy shit Forza is teaming up with Transformers. Forza 5: Race For Energon. Not really though because that'd be how they made Forza exciting to talk about.

12:08 - If this guy says "drivatar" again, I might cut myself.

12:13 - I want to be able to be the guy who scoffs at the idea of another Minecraft game. But I totally bought the game, I totally lost nights to it, I totally build a giant castle. I am the problem.

12:18 - The Quantum something or other game's new trailer only confused me more than the first one. What the hell is this?

12:19 - Spark is kind of making Minecraft way less impressive.

12:23 - Spark looks like it is Microsoft's answer - though a little late - to Little Big Planet. Hopefully it controls better.

12:26 - Watching people in suits play fighting games is now the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen. Also, nice subtle allusion to raping your co-host, guy. I guess you need to appeal to the fight game crowd somehow, right?

12:29 - Who didn't see that Twitch partnership coming? Still, a big pick up for Microsoft. Twitch is pretty popular, I heard.

12:30 - Audio dropped out on the trailer. Just awkward applause to silent gameplay footage. That might have been more awkward than the suits playing fighting games thing.

12:32 - I don't care who is making the game or what series it is a part of. Zombie games are completely uninteresting to me. The onus is on them to earn back my attention after they drop the word "zombie." Just having better tech and a bigger world than the last zombie game isn't enough guys. Because in two months the next guys will be saying that about their game.

12:36 - Though, I'll admit this does look better than the previous Dead Rising games. And the crafting system looks much better implemented than anything I've seen before.

12:40 - Witcher 3. I wonder if I'll buy this the day it comes out and then never actually play it, and feel bad about it whenever the subject comes up.

12:41 - Finally, a video game about war. I was really worried I wouldn't be able to shoot people on Xbox One. (Battlefield 4)

12:42 - Live demos have to be the most stressful things on the planet. It is actually painful whenever there is some sort of technical issues.

12:50 - Capybara is putting out a game on Xbox One. Looks atmospheric. Go figure. Definitely interested in Below.

12:54 - Pretty slick, yet really short and ultimately meaningless, Halo trailer. Got to assume that's Halo 5, but that doesn't appear to necessarily be the official title. Still, I've always enjoyed the series, and I'm definitely interested in seeing what 343 can do on better hardware. 60 frames per second promised. 2014.

12:56 - Respawn's new game is Xbox One exclusive. But we all already knew that didn't we, Game Informer? I'm super unimpressed. I expected more from these guys. (Titanfall) Also, $499 US for the Xbox One.

1:05 - Conference is over. Right now Spark is what is sticking out to me. But I need to process my thoughts before making any claims of what looks the best or what I'm looking forward to the most. I'll be back on here later on for Sony's conference.

Ubisoft Press Conference

4:32 - Decided that I'd check out Ubisoft's press conference this afternoon. Honestly, I could not care much less. But they generally put on an entertaining show. And who knows? Maybe Mr. Caffeine will make an appearance and I'll finally be justified in hanging myself.

4:37 - Apparently I missed the Mirror's Edge 2 announcement during EA's conference. Fantastic news. I was a big supporter of that first game. I'd still recommend checking it out. Sounds like we have a bit of a wait for the next-gen sequel though.

5:00 - Conference starting right on time. Sounds like they're over-booked. Also, is it weird to anybody else they've watermarked their stream with a Uplay logo? And if I wanted to hear Alice in Chains I'd turn on a bad rock station.

5:03 - "It's no fun playing alone. Now watch me play (still totally alone) with a computer and video of other people," said the saddest grown man on earth in front of a massive crowd.

5:05 - What's this?! A woman on stage right away. WTF THIS IS A VIDEO GAME SHOW YOU GUYS

5:06 - Seriously though, Aisha Tyler does come off sincere as one of those celebrity video game fans. Which is pretty rare. Totally okay with her as a host. Though, she probably won't be as good for bad animated GIFs.

5:10 - Splinter Cell thing. I can't tell what's going on, and I don't care. #girlwood

5:14 - The jumping between paintings give me a Super Mario 64 vibe. (Rayman Legends) And I continue to love the look of these games.

5:17 - The Might Quest For Epic Loot seems to represent a lot of the things I hate about video games. Including trite game concepts like tower defense, and self-aware nerd lingo.

5:23 - It's still impressive to me, and I'm not convinced it's real, that the South Park game looks so much like the show.

5:27 - Sort of wish that The Crew were a Fast and Furious game. Oh well. Seems interesting though.

5:33 - Did he just say, "he's wearing a hat, so he's not very good"?

5:40 - I believe they released this trailer earlier today. This is the second time I've seen it anyway. (Watch Dogs) The game continues to be one of the more interesting looking things on the horizon though.

5:47 - I'm pretty sure that Rabbid just stomped on a starfish's dick. Not cool Rabbid. Not cool.

5:49 - Hey, this host is tall. Just so you know. She keeps reiterating, so I assume it was important to write that here.

5:52 - I keep forgetting that Assassin's Creed IV exists. Maybe intentional.

6:02 - I have never played any of the Trials games. Though, I keep feeling like I'm missing out. And then I tell myself, maybe when the next one comes out.

6:10 - Hey, here's six minutes of manipulative drama based on American paranoia. Didn't they learn their lesson when that sensationalist weirdo introduced Infamous 2 back at the PS4 announcement? Though, this game looks okay. Okay. (Tom Clancy's The Division)

6:17 - Ubisoft's thing is over. That was full of really uncomfortable moments. And not the kind that you can really laugh about later on. Just the kind that make you embarrassed to be watching the thing. I guess The Crew looked interesting. And The Division seems like it might, maybe be okay. But they are pushing this whole "whoa, camera pull out, you're playing with a bunch of people" angle way too hard. And frankly, I just don't give a shit about playing with other people. I just want to experience a game and not have to count on other players to make it fun. We'll see though.

Sony Press Conference

7:21 - Sony's conference will be starting momentarily. It'll be very interesting to see their reactions to Microsoft's game-heavy show. It'd be nice if they showed just as much. And a lower price tag might really put the dagger to Microsoft's throat.

7:30 - It's time for me to decide what way I want to experience this thing. Do I have a bowl of cereal, or grab some Scotch?

7:32 - Scotch.

7:45 - Some fun shots of people outside the LA Convention Center. And some goofy mother fucker hosting. Pre-show stuff. Show starts in about fifteen minutes. They're speculating over the most obvious things. WHAT WILL THE SYSTEM LOOK LIKE WHAT WE DONT KNOW WE NEED ANSWERS OMG AHAHAHA

8:02 - I think it's finally starting. I was starting to drift into insanity. Nobody else had their own pre-show full of the shilliest, shilly shills in the whole wide world.

8:15 - Things are running late. And I finished my Scotch. This whole night is going down in flames. Starts in a minute though.

8:17 - Sony's stream is garbage. Runs about as well as you'd expect something to run on PSN.

8:19 - I do prefer blue lights to green lights. So, there's that. But Imagine Dragons are the worst, and they just played them. This needs to stop.

8:24 - Walking Dead coming to Vita. Pretty cool idea. If I had a Vita, that'd be the way I'd want to play it.

8:28 - Lots of artsy stuff coming to PS3 still. Rain looks really interesting stuff. Beyond is interesting, but I'm still cautious with those types of games. Not a fan of button prompts.

8:32 - Something with cars is on now. Sorry, when you're the last press conference of the day, you don't just get to show cars and have people be excited. Couldn't care less.

8:38 - Hard for me to be interested in Batman Arkham Origins. The games were fun for what they were, but the sequel didn't seem to learn much from its predecessor's faults. And this one feels like a cash-in. Also, GTAV bundle will be coming for PS3. And hints at some exclusive GTAV stuff hinted at? "In the coming weeks."

8:40 - System has been shown. Look, it's a black box. Why was there a build up for that? Slick looking, and it'll fit in my entertainment center better though. I'm glad we're past the stupid era of consoles looking like spaceships.

8:45 - Video stuff. Rent movies and TV shows. Music stuff too. That stuff that everything does now.

8:50 - Forget horses, mechs, and dogs. This is the year of the quote before your trailer. Although there are totally also horses here. (The Order 1886)

8:55 - Killzone Shadow Fall looks good, but I'm just not interested. I mean, I haven't even finished Killzone 3. It's hard to get excited about pretty good shooters.

8:57 - Infamous Second Son has me a little more interested than before. Maaaaybe because it looks like it's set in Washington state. I'm a sucker for the Pacific Northwest.

9:02 - Quantic Dream had a tech demo thing. I'm not sure if it's a game, or just a demonstration of what the PS4 could do. I mean, it wasn't gameplay of anything. Oh wait. Adam Boyes in on stage.

9:04 - Supergiant Games' (Bastion) new project is debuting on the PS4. Transistor looks incredible. Really, really stupid of Microsoft to let that one get away.

9:07 - Don't Starve is coming to PS4. OKAY. OCTODAD COMING TOO. OOOOKAY. A BUNCH OF INDIE STUFF.  OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Dude, Sony. Well fuck. Sony just sold me.

9:16 - Final Fantasy VersusXIII looked pretty cool. Stylish and fast. In a way that I might be interested in seeing. Which is the first time I've said that about a Final Fantasy game.


9:23 - Looks pretty okay, I guess. I can't let myself get interested in another AC game though. Not after III and Revelations. I just wish they had made a pirate game completely detached from AC. Too much they have to lean on with AC.

9:26 - More Watch_Dogs stuff. The game seems interesting. But as always, I'm holding my reservations. Hope it turns out great.

9:36 - Digital LeBron James. Basketball stuff. Not my scene, but it looks graphically impressive. Also, Elder Scrolls Online for PS4. Beta available there first. Also not really my scene.

9:39 -  Mad Max game. Kind of a nothing trailer. But I'm going to be excited anyway because I think Tom Hardy is in that, and well, you know. Also Trenton back with Imagine Dragons. Shoot me.

9:41 - Saying gauntlet thrown means this is the beginning of a fight. No. This is Sony pulling the fucking trigger on Microsoft. No used restrictions. No online required.

9:48 - Still blown away by Sony. Now showing first gameplay of Bungie's Destiny. Getting a big Star Wars vibe from the aesthetic.

9:51 - Sony now charges for online. It's a part of PlayStation Plus though, something you should probably have. Also, it's not going up in price. Maintains other features associated with Plus, including some free PS4 games when the time comes.

9:55 - Destiny looks kind of like a less obnoxious Borderlands. Developed by people I have more trust in to make solid controlling shooters. Interesting.

10:00 - A cloud gaming service. Will have a bunch of the "best" PS3 games. Interesting idea. Hope it works out for them. That'd be an awesome answer to no backwards compatibility.

10:02 - And it is a hundred bucks less than a Xbox One. $399. Microsoft has way more ground to make up than ever before.

10:06 - That's a wrap for today. I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but Sony killed it. And I'm feeling like I actually want to buy a PlayStation 4 at launch. Definitely didn't feel that way about WiiU, and I don't feel that way about Xbox One.

I'll be back tomorrow. Expect some more in-depth opinions about what happened today, as well as some coverage on some of the games mentioned throughout the conferences. Thanks for reading!

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